5 Queer People on How They Learned the “Nail Code”

14.09.2023, 17:03 allure.com

I have always loved going to the nail salon. When I was little, one of my favorite treats was when my mom would take me along to her appointments and let me choose a fun shade for a polish change. While my nails were frequently quite short due to a biting habit, I never went without a colorful hue on my fingers and would routinely go to the salon as a self-care treat as I got older. However when I came into my own queer identity, having short nails was no longer just a result of a bad habit, but a necessity.

Similar to wearing a rainbow flag pin, short nails are traditionally a coded way for queer women and nonbinary folks who date women to identify one another. They are not only a symbol of queerness but are needed for many people to engage in sexual stimulation and digital penetration safely with partners who have vaginas. While this is not commonly known outside of the LGBTQIA+ community, almost every queer woman or nonbinary person I have encountered knows this expectation and has their own unique relationship to how they present their nails to the world.

While women learn from an early age of the heteronormative expectations to have well-manicured, long nails, queer folks have often needed to take extra steps to discover what is standard in their communities. Chatting with older patrons at the iconic New York City bar Cubbyhole, I found out how the city’s spaces for lesbian nightlife of the ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s such as the Duchess, Meow Mix, and Sundays at Café Tabac allowed women to meet and understand more about queerness. Many millennial and Gen Z women today attribute learning rules from queer voices and representation on the internet, TV, and social media.

“As cliché as it sounds, I learned the expectations for nails when dating queer women by watching The L Word,” shares Ashleigh Warren, a social media strategist and star of the HBO docu-series Swiping America. She recalls, “I worked at Barnes & Noble when I was 19 or 20 years old, and I remember buying The L Word DVDs on the DL to learn because I was very much in the closet and I had a crush on this woman. I was a pastor’s kid. Loving a woman felt very natural and safe to me, but I had no idea what the unspoken rules were.”

Discovering how many people in a certain demographic like to do their nails may sound minor to most. But for many queer folks exploring their sexuality, it provides a glimpse into a community of people that you identify with and could see as family, but haven’t yet immersed yourself into. I distinctly remember deep-diving into online articles of Go Magazine and watching Buzzfeed videos by lesbian and bisexual creators to teach myself about the queer world before I ever had the courage to venture into a lesbian bar. Since I spent the majority of my life learning about the straight world and am very femme presenting, I felt like I needed to know certain norms to be understood as a fellow queer person rather than an ally.

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Haily Boerst, known on TikTok as Alrighty Aphrodite, recalls learning why queer women have short nails from a Reddit search. “Though it might sound small, that moment was pretty important to me,” they say. “I think that as human beings, we are all looking for indicators in other people as to whether they want to engage with us or not. As queer people, we have to be extra cognizant of those factors because the world is not always a safe place to be, and people are not always open to our approach.”

While queer women might lean towards short nail looks, that doesn’t mean going bare. Colorful shades, unique nail art, and acrylic designs can be found throughout the community as a form of creative expression. “To me, nails are just like any other part of personal style, which inherently makes them a form of personal expression,” says Boerst. “The art on them, the color choices, and even the length and shape communicates something about what you like and who you are.”

“I go with what I’m feeling at the moment,” shares Warren of her nail style. “There will be months where I don't wear nail polish, and there will be months where I do. I’m masc presenting, but I love wearing makeup and having my nails look cute. I’m just soft-masc. It doesn’t make me less of a lesbian, it just makes me, me, and I’m proud of that. My partner enjoys painting my nails for me, too, so it's a date thing for us occasionally.”

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As a model, Madeline Ford used to always wear her nails bare to be flexible for castings but has now embraced more creativity in her beauty look. “I go to a nail salon every two to three weeks. I always change up the color and I take the choice very seriously,” she explains. “My favorite queer-coded nail look — if short nails aren't loud enough — is painting your ring and middle finger a different color than the rest. It sounds silly, but it always makes me feel so scandalous. Even if the majority of people don't pick up on the queer-coding of short nails, they make me feel authentic, proud, cool, and like I'm part of a secret sapphic club.”

While having short nails is a common identifier for queer folks, it obviously isn’t exclusive to the community. Many straight women forgo longer styles to be more dexterous at their jobs or just like the look. This year, short nails are even considered a major trend. A short, groomed look is part of the sleek “quiet luxury” aesthetic.

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Similarly to how queer-coded shoes like Birkenstocks and Doc Martens have now populated mainstream fashion, the current leaning away from acrylics and longer lengths has made finding fellow queer women outside of gay spaces even trickier. “As much as I wish it was that easy to identify someone's sexuality by their nails, it's such a gray area,” shares Ford. “Not to mention, I have queer femme friends that rock long nails. You just never know! Whenever I talk about short nails being gay on social media, a lot of straight women get upset, saying anyone of any sexuality can have short nails – which is totally true! I think they're missing the point of the culture, history, and community surrounding it,” notes Ford. “However, I generally think it's important to let queer people express themselves free of rules, boundaries, or expectations.”

While acrylics aren’t common, they certainly are not missing among the femme-presenting community. Queer women and nonbinary folks who like longer styles have also been known to get a little creative to have the best of both worlds. Bobbie Briceño has gained a following by showing off her own bold manicures on TikTok featuring long stiletto or coffin-shaped nails with rhinestones on one hand and a trimmed look on the other. “Short nails never felt like they were ‘me,’ but long nails haven't been the most accepted amongst the woman-loving-woman community. The multi-length manicure I rock now was inspired by a queer friend of mine who showed me hers a few years ago,” she says. “That was when I learned that I could have both form and function, so to speak, and it made me feel like I found a way to present my true self to the world. Since I do them myself, they're my art, my self-care, and a reflection of my personality. I love having nails that get noticed and are often conversation starters.”

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She made sure to note that “it's important to remember Black women are the pioneers of nail art trends, and Black and Brown trans and queer women are at the forefront of the queer liberation movement. While as a Brown queer woman myself, I'm known for my unique manicure and have a platform to be open in my queerness, it's only because of the Black and Brown women and queer people who came before me and deserve all the credit.”

How you choose to do your nails shouldn’t be a topic of conversation that leads to concerns for safety or inclusion in a community. Unfortunately, that’s not exactly the case in the world today. Manicures that are against the norm can provoke uncomfortable questions in both straight and queer spheres. For example, Boerst went viral on TikTok by showing off their unique manicure style, which features long acrylics on all fingers except for two to three nails that they keep short. When a nail tech asked why they wanted that look, Boerst lied and said they were a professional bowler. “Nails may seem like a trivial thing to focus on, but the way we present ourselves inadvertently may cause people to make assumptions about us,” they explain.

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“Almost every time I ask for just two or three of my nails shorter in a salon, there are several follow-up questions,” they say. “The most common remark I get from nail techs is that it will look silly or wrong. Only on one occasion did I mention that I like some of my nails shorter because I’m queer, which only resulted in more follow-up questions from the man doing my nails. After that, I started getting creative with my reasoning, knowing that I would have to give an easier-to-digest answer. Among these, I’ve said: ‘I just work with my hands a lot,’ ‘I type all day so some need to be shorter,’ and of course, ‘I’m a bowler.’”

To stay safe out in the real world, Briceño says she will make a call based on who she is talking to whether or not she will discuss why she really keeps one hand short. However, she reveals that certain members of the queer community on TikTok have not always promoted a safe environment either. “I've had other queers suggest that my long nails are the reason ex-girlfriends have broken up with me, or they say they would never date someone with long nails,” Briceño says. “I think sharing my nail stories on social media opens up the discussion about judgment within the queer community and also educates the community and beyond that queer p